The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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