I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
its liver damage thursday
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