My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
