the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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