my being single is dangerous.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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