I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
