i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize