On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Randomize
