as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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