my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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