We're facebook friends in real life
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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