Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
