I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
