hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
