the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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