dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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