get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
