id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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