Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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