reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
