Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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