Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
