he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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