i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
