just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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