So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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