i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
my liver is dry heaving
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
