someone get that fucking seahorse.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
