well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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