just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
