I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
