do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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