dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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