Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
