Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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