listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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