Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize