It's like a parade of train wrecks.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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