if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
