I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
