You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
