I'd wear matching sweaters with you
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
