I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
