Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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