We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
