i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
