I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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