I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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