I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
