Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Pooping to opera.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
