Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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