If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
