How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
