good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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