so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
