When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
