Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
