Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
