do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My feet surprised me
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
