dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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