Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
