I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
