I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
