sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
