Only a mothe r could love this liver
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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