what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
