I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
