i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Randomize
