Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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