I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
