i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
