goodnight i made you a song goodbye
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
