dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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