Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Randomize