She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
