his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
