oh god the rape fog is back!
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
