Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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