about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
