Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
