this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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