who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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