3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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