We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
