I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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