I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
