the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
