This house was built for laser tag.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
