I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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