Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
