So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
