Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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