He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
