And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
