i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
