Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
