Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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