I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Be still, my beating vagina.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
