I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
