areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
