I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just gargled with NyQuil
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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