Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
