So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
