I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
