i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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