you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
