while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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